Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Insanity Manatee

Ugly dirtbag with dreads on his head,
he's gross and greasy and smells like something dead ,,
aka "the wonderbread sped"
He thinks he's the life of the party, but really he's just loud
He loves being the center of attention in any sort of crowd....
If you invite him over- I'm warning you....
He'll eat all your food and sniff out your booze like Sherlock Holmes sniffs out clues!

Critt puts the "it" in SHIT. ASS BACK- FULL OF BACNE ZITS!

couldnt pop em all in 100 minutes, fat like that mcdonalds fucker grimace, moldy shit, looks like his hairs growin spinach,

the wonderbread sped, with the homebum dreads, he aint right in the head and he smells like hes dead. hes a burden, a parasite, people tell him "get yer act right" and you think he might, but to his delight, you buy him more food and give him a place fo the night.

and no matter how nice you are to him, he always starts a fight, he can't just keep quiet, that big fat tongue of his -he just can't bite. What a terrible sight, it will give you a fright! Deep down he's a big coward and he cries himself to sleep every night.

"i turbo like you" but hed really like to, come through, and eat all your food like an ethiopian dude with a bad attitude!


his pits be mossy, teeth aint flossy, he sure was bossy, but he wouldnt cross me, boss please, step off witcha filthy dungagrees, take a hit of fabreeze and call me when youve washed off the cheese.

"Don't threaten me with REPETITION" Bitch , I'm on a mission to sign a petition for you to see a physician about your condition..fuck that - just put you in a zoo and charge people admission!

you just know he'll be clickin this page , checkin and refreshin, Stinky bastard! nothing will make you fresher! What's that? You're mad? Better check your blood pressure. You're about to snap, your ass is chapped from taking too many craps! BRAP!

off the heezey! your rhymes are slick like critt is greasy! beastly! smells like feces!

"Hey Tim i just wanna pretend to be your friend, I'll do anything to please you, I'll even kiss your back end" What a fucking joke..his face looks like he's had a stroke!

confused like his brain got contused, dummy, that means bruised! back off, you know the rules! act suprised i dont got yer back, of course i dont you stink like ass crack!

‎"Good for youuuuuuuuuu" Good for me?? You smell like fuckin cat pee! Tim and I both agree ,that you're the dirtiest Manatee in the fucking sea! Whoopee! WhoopOO! Ya smell like shit! Wait till he sees this - he'll throw a fit!

‎"Proud card carrying member of the Cool Club" Too bad you're the only member, your jokes are lame and you've been saying the same ones since last November. Oh you big sea cow.. you should have your own island, the Island of Dumb..full of scum, playing your drums, trying to catch a beat, dirty sea cow, a mass of swimming meat, skeet skeet! Pigeon-toed, draggin your feet, yelling at everyone walkin down the street!

corrective shoes cos you got the pigeon-toe blues, drink s'more booze cos you got nobody left to abuse!

Greg the big fag , mouth stuck on a beer keg, dreads like a sea hag, shit sliding down his pant leg, breath smells like a bad egg- Someone wake me from this nightmare! the boils make me sick, this guy needs some skin care! Man ,, i swear.. I'd rather be in an electric chair!

a fucking circus freak that fucking reeks. He's got a fuckin tweak alarm that goes off every day , you try to get rid of it ,but it just wont go away! Talk about bad luck, whys this shit stuck with me?! All this fucking stress i better double up on the vitamin B. Always looking in the cupboard always wanting more, quit being a fuckin pig and shut the fuckin fridge door! That filthy sea cow always eating , always hungry and always mad at me, when the cupboards are empty and when he's ate all the chef boyardee!

Usually nobody has anything good to say about their ex, maybe i would if my ex wasn't such a reject! Straight up homie, if i had a dick- i wouldn't let you blow me! Yer lucky i even let you get to know me..dirty ol Insanity Manatee!! All yo...ur faults you choose to ignore,I can admit all mine, it's time you admit yours. You think you're so smart, you just wait till your whole life starts to fall apart, and you cry yourself to sleep every fucking night, then you'll realize everything you did just wasn't right. Most things were done out of spite, ya think i would have caught on after our first fight. Who the fuck stuffs bread into someones face? Only an Insanity Manatee fuckin mental case! Booooooooooya mafacka!

rippin' my lip ring out and draggin me down the street by my hair, tons of people saw and he just didn't care. Something is mentally wrong with him i swear and he looks like a big dumb drunk grizzly bear!

You used and abused,bruised, and even oozed! Filthy prick! After being with you, i need some antiseptic! He'll be so mad when he reads this, he'll be crying and floppin around like an epileptic!

Every now and then , I'll write on this page, ......remember all your rage, remember everything you put me through and remind myself how much i hate you.

My rhymes may seem mean, but what you did to me seemed like a terrible dream...made me scream in a violent stream.. of bullshit, fuck you and your stupid fits- i'm outta here lickity split! bitch.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The wonderful Wizard of Ass...

So i decided to start blogging .. I've always hated the word "blog" it sounds so disgusting...

Humans are terrible, terrible creatures. Especially on Mondays... they seem more miserable on Mondays.
I don't know if anyone will read this nonsense, but i honestly don't care. It's a place for me to vent so that i don't go too, tooooooo crazy ;)

Every time i hit "enter" it's moving back up to the top of this blog and it's really irritating me. I have no patience when it comes to terrible nonsense. I love sandwiches. They're the best. I'm waiting for one to come to me right now. OooooOOooooooooo! i was just asked if i wanted 1 or 2! Oh how yummy... i'm excited now i get to have 2 of them. MmmmmMMMMmmmm!

Terrible nonsense

Why do old guys always tell stories about these real nice cars they once owned? Who cares? You don't own it now do you? Right.

And why do dumb woman pushing strollers have to hog the sidewalks? There's room for everyone if you quit being such a dumb bitch hog.

That goes for dumb hat kids/wutangers as well.

the people on the sidewalk really anger me lately,, the people are the reason i don't go outside. Why should i have to be stuck indoors because you're an asshole? How about YOU all go inside and become all pale and shit. No wonder i get depressed a lot... just look at these people...

And there's always some trashy bitch yelling at the bus terminal.. talking about how shes gonna "kick that girls ass" ...i laugh at them and they don't know why i'm laughing....

Why does every bitch from highschool have like 5 kids and like pretending they're "happily married" Bullshit. You're just playing house.

I decided i'm never ever getting married either. Douche-bags and their douchebag weddings, with their d-bag cakes and wine, shitty food and shitty outfits, shitty music,shitty family aND SHITTY FRIENDS. I HATE IT so here is my R.S.V.P- fuck off and eat your dumb cake...

You'll just be divorced in a few months anyway and the kids will cry and then they'll meet the new stepmom/dad and hate her/him. Then they get tons of anxiety and start failing at school. Is this what you wanted?

People should just quit having kids.

Why does my ex call me trying to get back together? If we were the last 2 people on earth - I'd kill him.

And i hate your long messages on my answering machine. I hate phones. Period.

Am I the only person that doesn't use a cell phone? The ringing gives me anxiety. So does your voice. My own voice irritates me..

Why is it the second someone dies they make a R.I.P group? and change their pictures to the one that died? and then in a few weeks they forget them and move on. (switch their pic back)..i hope nobody makes me one. I wouldn't like it. I hope someone plays good music at my funeral too. No shitty depressing crap ya hear? I'd like some Priest, Metallica or some Pantera ,etc. I don't even want people to come. If people do come i hope its just the people i like. I don't want some douchebag that i hate, coming and pretending they were my friend.

I hate the lady or man? whatever it is that lives in the front of my building. It's deaf and i have no idea what it's saying. It's always showing me these dirty horse shoes and digging through the garbage. I don't care about your horse shoes. I just want to smoke my cigarette. I can't smoke indoors, because my cat hates it.

If anyone gets offended by this they can fuck off. If me pressing my buttons on my keyboard pisses you off,, then you have issues.

sitting there with her sleepy eyes... waiting for her food...

So I've been changing my cats shit for the last 10 years of my life and because she's a hairy beast , the poo sometimes gets stuck on the back of her hairy mukluks and then later drops onto the floor etc. It's really disgusting and every time this happens I can't help but think "I'm getting rid of you stinky gross beast" Really i know its not her fault. But sometimes i swear she does evil shit on purpose just to piss me off, because well if you know my cat you'd understand why i even said that. Yesterday, we gave her a much needed cat bath and she HATED life during that time and hated us as well for about 5-10 minutes after,,, until i gave her all sorts of treats and fancy feast and she forgot all about hating the world so much. She was nice and clean and i thought everything was going fine until  last night....

Dale and I were tired and getting ready for bed. We put on a movie. Well the ham didn't like that situation ( i guess she wasn't comfortable not being on my futon with me) So she left the room. Moments later i started to smell her poo. So as tired as i was i got up to change her shit from her gross litter box. Dale decided to go have a smoke outside while i was doing this.  I have a weak stomach. I think taking a shit is a total waste of life,,, especially cleaning someone else's shit.  Anyway, when i went in the bathroom and looked in the litter box, there was barely anything in there. I just knew there was more..somewhere.....

We have hardwood flooring now (thank god) and i bought a new "swiffer wet jet" (which rules) So her dropping her poo on the floor isn't THAT bad.

Well i keep telling myself that anyway..

So i started looking around my house ....on poop patrol and i found nothing. I thought ok well MAYBE for the first time ever she just had a reeeeally small shit. So i came back out to the living room and she was there and being all nice and friendly (which usually means she wants food or she's done something bad) So i gave her a bunch of food and she was happy. Dale had came back in so i told him about what i was doing and i said it was weird, because usually when that happens i find the rest of her poo somewhere on the floor. That's when he said "Well you didn't find it on the floor , because it's right there in your bed" i was fucking pissed. Right in the very centre of my fucking futon was the biggest pile of cat shit I've ever seen. Right on my new clean blanket. The blanket that used to smell fresh and clean like "GAIN" now smells like total shit. And there my stupid evil cat is eating her food i just gave her. I basically rewarded her for shitting on my bed. I was so mad that after cleaning all my bedding, i took her food bowl away and she ran and hid under the futon. I got my broom, and was trying to get her out from under it, but she kept dodging the stupid broom. I gave up and went to sleep. By that time it was getting close to 2am and i had to wake up at 7am.

So this morning when i wake up, i remembered what happened right away and i was mad about it still. She looks at me meowing nicely , sitting there looking at me with her sleepy eyes just waiting for s'more food and acting like its a perfectly good morning and everything's just peachy. I ignored her and went to go walk down the hall to go to the bathroom when i stepped in a pile of her disgusting cat puke.

She's now in the oven.. roasting..

Just kidding.. but man am i ever mad at her and i swear she does this shit on purpose. She only ever shits when i'm about to do something or go to bed and she only ever pukes up a hairball first thing in the morning so i'm half asleep and not paying much attention and step in it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! fuckin ham beast!

for my retarded ex

Nothing disgusts me more than you. Covered in boils and revolting aroma from your anus glands ...oops i mean your body. You creepy/stinky/greasy/pooptoothed-beast/ SOB. Leave me alone. You're a creepy stalker that sits on facebook and reads EVERYONES shit over and over and over, hoping you find something new to comment on. A worthless fool, a manatee, sloth. You fucking fool. You make me sick. I still have nightmares about you. I still remember everyday how you'd get up stinking and would never brush your poop tooth. You'd open the cupboard doors and stare ( it seemed like hours) , deciding on what food (that you didn't buy) you would stuff your disgusting face with that day. I would have to yell at you to shower and then you'd get mad at me and yell. I've never met anyone that got mad , because their girlfriend asked them to shower. It's pathetic that someone needed to tell you to clean yourself. Dirt bag. The last time we were in the same place together i was with my new boyfriend and you were such a coward and waited for him to leave before you came and made a fool of yourself. Trying to sit on my lap , making stupid remarks etc. And now you've decided to play a new game and go on other peoples accounts that have me as a friend on facebook and view my profile and leave stupid retarded crazy comments that make no sense.  I can't stand you and wish you would go away. You're the ugliest creature I've ever seen in my whole life and i have no idea WTF i was thinking when i was with you. It was as if i was under a really shitty spell. You brought out the worst in me and made me want to kill myself. You said you haven't laid a hand on a woman in over 3 years or have been verbally abusive even... well good for you? What do you want a cookie? Probably. I don't care anyway. Why would I care? It's been a whole 3 years since you treated a chick like complete ass. Way to go you fucking lunatic! The reason for that is probably because nobody will date you.  Leave me alone and don't speak to me again. I HATE you and always will.

Why don't you listen when I try to talk to you
Stop thinking of yourself, for just a second fool
Shut up, shut up, I don't wanna hear your mouth
Your mother made a monster, now get the hell out of my house

Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention

Which one of these words don't you understand?
I'm Caught in a Mosh!
Talking to you is like clapping with one hand

What is it? Caught in a Mosh!

Don't tell me how to do my job
There's the door, your name's on the knob
You're always in the way like a beast on my back
Were you dropped as a baby 'cause brains you lack

Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention
Which one of these words don't you understand?
I'm Caught in a Mosh
Talking to you is like clapping with one hand

What is it? Caught in a Mosh!

Think before you speak or suffer for your words
Learn to give respect that others give to you
AAAAAAAAAAAH,The best you can

Hey man, I'm trying to reason but you don't understand
Talking in circles, we'll never get it straight
Just you and me in our theatre of hate
Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention
Which one of these words don't you understand?
I'm Caught in a Mosh!
Talking to you is like clapping with one hand

What is it? Caught in a Mosh!

Why do they make them wear the hanna montana back packs?

Why do you make your husband wear the hanna montana backpack? Your kids lunch can't be that heavy.... or do you want to make your husband look funny on purpose?

But they act like they enjoy carrying it, wearing both straps and maybe it is his backpack...hmm.

You wear pants that make you look like you're in a flood and yet you look at me like I'm some 3 eyed mutated monster with piercings and horns. Looking at me like I'm a monster from outer space. ANyway, i really wish these asshole yuppies would quit giving me shit looks or if you wont quit giving me the shitty looks then can you at least quit hoggin the damn sidewalk? I'm going to start crashing into you.