So I've been changing my cats shit for the last 10 years of my life and because she's a hairy beast , the poo sometimes gets stuck on the back of her hairy mukluks and then later drops onto the floor etc. It's really disgusting and every time this happens I can't help but think "I'm getting rid of you stinky gross beast" Really i know its not her fault. But sometimes i swear she does evil shit on purpose just to piss me off, because well if you know my cat you'd understand why i even said that. Yesterday, we gave her a much needed cat bath and she HATED life during that time and hated us as well for about 5-10 minutes after,,, until i gave her all sorts of treats and fancy feast and she forgot all about hating the world so much. She was nice and clean and i thought everything was going fine until last night....
Dale and I were tired and getting ready for bed. We put on a movie. Well the ham didn't like that situation ( i guess she wasn't comfortable not being on my futon with me) So she left the room. Moments later i started to smell her poo. So as tired as i was i got up to change her shit from her gross litter box. Dale decided to go have a smoke outside while i was doing this. I have a weak stomach. I think taking a shit is a total waste of life,,, especially cleaning someone else's shit. Anyway, when i went in the bathroom and looked in the litter box, there was barely anything in there. I just knew there was more..somewhere.....
We have hardwood flooring now (thank god) and i bought a new "swiffer wet jet" (which rules) So her dropping her poo on the floor isn't THAT bad.
Well i keep telling myself that anyway..
So i started looking around my house ....on poop patrol and i found nothing. I thought ok well MAYBE for the first time ever she just had a reeeeally small shit. So i came back out to the living room and she was there and being all nice and friendly (which usually means she wants food or she's done something bad) So i gave her a bunch of food and she was happy. Dale had came back in so i told him about what i was doing and i said it was weird, because usually when that happens i find the rest of her poo somewhere on the floor. That's when he said "Well you didn't find it on the floor , because it's right there in your bed" i was fucking pissed. Right in the very centre of my fucking futon was the biggest pile of cat shit I've ever seen. Right on my new clean blanket. The blanket that used to smell fresh and clean like "GAIN" now smells like total shit. And there my stupid evil cat is eating her food i just gave her. I basically rewarded her for shitting on my bed. I was so mad that after cleaning all my bedding, i took her food bowl away and she ran and hid under the futon. I got my broom, and was trying to get her out from under it, but she kept dodging the stupid broom. I gave up and went to sleep. By that time it was getting close to 2am and i had to wake up at 7am.
So this morning when i wake up, i remembered what happened right away and i was mad about it still. She looks at me meowing nicely , sitting there looking at me with her sleepy eyes just waiting for s'more food and acting like its a perfectly good morning and everything's just peachy. I ignored her and went to go walk down the hall to go to the bathroom when i stepped in a pile of her disgusting cat puke.
She's now in the oven.. roasting..
Just kidding.. but man am i ever mad at her and i swear she does this shit on purpose. She only ever shits when i'm about to do something or go to bed and she only ever pukes up a hairball first thing in the morning so i'm half asleep and not paying much attention and step in it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! fuckin ham beast!
I think my cat is trying to kill me..
ReplyDelete