Sunday, July 17, 2011

Somewhere over the fucking rainbow

Actually it was just in my house... but a nest of spiders has hatched somewhere and I'm very upset about this. For days I've been killing spiders.

Before I go on about the whole spider thing, I'd just like to say that if you have a problem with me killing spiders DON'T BOTHER TELLING ME ABOUT IT. IF it bothers you THAT much, then please feel free to come to my goddam home and remove them for me.


OKay, anyway.. where was I... alright. So , I've been trying to draw and all of a sudden a goddam spider will drop down onto my picture and I squish it and it leaves it's guts behind. My picture is now ruined. I am not impressed, but I start another anyway, only this time I'm paranoid and can't stop looking around, up and down for spiders. I relax after getting shivers and chills and continue with my picture.....and plop...another goddam spider! I realized there was a bunch all over the ceiling fan. I turned the fan on and watched the spiders fly around on their webs and falling off. This was funny until I realized that I didn't see where the landed. The first night I kept count and killed 14 spiders. After that I just got frustrated and gave up counting and was ready to give my notice and move out.


For days I've been wearing bandannas, because I'm worried that the spiders will drop down on my head and into my dreads and maybe make a nest in there next. Oooh how disgusting! Terrible! TERRIBLE NONSENSE! I was thinking maybe I could become a famous artist and only create artwork using spiderguts to paint with.

I'm itchy all the time and paranoid thinking they're on me and in my dreads. I'm constantly bothering Dale to check my dreads for them to make sure they're not in there. My cat is being useless and wont act and get them. She killed a centipede once.. I was happy about that. Seriously though WTF? Why wont they go outside?! I think they like my air conditioner. They shoot their yucky little webs all over too.

I've been spraying all around my door and windows with bug spray so no more of them come in. I can't spray inside, because of my cat. Every morning when I go outside, there's webs all in front of my goddam door. I yelled for Dale to come and knock the spiders/webs down so I could have my cigarette. He couldn't see what I was pointing at , so he went and put on his sun glasses. He then used the broom, but held on to the brush end for some odd reason and started to knock them down. I started laughing like a loon, because he looked like a blind man with a stick. Not that being blind is funny.. it was just one of those "had to be there" times. The neighbours couldn't see the webs/spiders from over there so they would just see him out there with the broom stick, waving it around like a lunatic..


I don't know how much more of this I can take. I might just put my tent up in my living room and get in and stay there until they just go away or something...


The ones that gather outside are nothing new and I hate them, but ever since these ones have been in the house I started to have more respect for the ones outside. Not enough I guess, because I still kill them. As much as I hated the Jehovahs coming to my door first thing in the morning, I now miss it because they would knock the webs out of the way by coming up on the porch to my door. I didn't like being woken up by them so I often yelled at them and put a sign on my door and they finally went away. But now the spiders stay there until I myself remove them , or unless Dale knocks them away. I'm very upset about this. All of this.. terrible nonsense indeed.

No comments:

Post a Comment